THE LAUGHING GNOME

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I was walking- down the high street- when I heard footsteps behind me,
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and there was a little old man in scarlet and grey, chuckling away.
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Well he trotted- back to my house- and he sat beside the telly,
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with his tiny hands on his tummy, chuckling away,  chugging all day.

[spoken]  "I ought to report you to the gnome office."  "Gnome office, ha,ha,ha!"

Bb9           F7               Bb9                           F7  
Ha,ha,  ha!-  Hee,hee,  hee!-  I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me.-
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Ha,ha,  ha!-  Hee,hee,  hee!-  I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me.-

                  C
Said the laughing gnome.
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Well I gave him- roasted toad-stools-  And a glass of dandelion wine.
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Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne and carried his bag and gave him a fag.

C
"Ave you got a light boy?"  "'Ere! Where do you come from?"

"Gnome-man's land."  "Oh,really."

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In the morning- when I woke up- he was sitting on the edge of my bed-

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with his brother whose name was Fred.  He'd brought him along- to sing me a song.-

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"Alright let's here it?"  "'Ere! what's that clicking sound?"
                                     F
"That's Fred. He's a metrognome."   "Own up. I'm a gnome, ain' I?"
C
"Ain't you got a gnome to go to?"

"No! We're gnomads."    "Didn't they teach you to get your 'aircut at school? You 
look like a rolling gnome."
"Not at the London school of Ecognomics."

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Now they staying- up the chimney-  and we're living on caviar and honey-

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'cause they're earning me lots of money,writing comedy prose for radio shows.

"It's the er- it's the gnome service, of course."


[repeat chorus and fade]